Dear God, from the dog

While pet sitting this week, one of my clients in Scottsdale left this out on the counter for me to read. I thought it was funny, so I am passing it along! Enjoy!

TO: GOD
FROM: THE DOG

Dear God: Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if ever,
smell one another?
Dear God: When we get to heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or
is it still the same old story?
Dear God: Why are there cars named after the jaguar, the
cougar, the mustang, the colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not
ONE named for a dog? How often do you see a cougar riding around? We do
love a nice ride! Would it be so hard to rename the ‘Chrysler Eagle’ the
‘ Chrysler Beagle’?
Dear God: If a dog barks his head off in the forest and no
human hears him, is he still a bad dog?
Dear God: We dogs can understand human verbal instructions,
hand signals, whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent ID’s,
electromagnetic energy fields, and Frisbee flight paths .
What do humans understand?
Dear God: More meatballs, less spaghetti, please
Dear God: Are there mailmen in Heaven?
If there are, will I have to apologize?
Dear God: Let me give you a list of just some of the things I
must remember to be a good dog .
1 . I will not eat the cat’s food before they eat it or after
they throw it up .
2 . I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc . , just
because I like the way they smell .
3 . The litter box is not a cookie jar .
4 . The sofa is not a ‘face towel’ .
5 . The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff .
6 . I will not play tug-of-war with Dad’s underwear when he’s on
the toilet .
7 . Sticking my nose into someone’s crotch is an unacceptable
way of saying ‘hello’ .< /STRONG>
8 . I don’t need to suddenly stand straight up when I’m under
the coffee table .
9 . I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the
house – not after .
10 . I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my
butt .
11 . The cat is not a ’squeaky toy’ so when I play with him and
he makes that noise, it’s usually not a good thing .

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